Ignorance is bliss | nethaly's Blog

Today I decided to go outside. I've been outside before but not for a while. I've been taking time off college to deal with my break-down that I suffered just over a week ago. I went to meet my friends who I haven't seen in a while. I didn't expect it to be how it was before I got 'ill' but it was far worse than I imagined. I felt so vulnerable in a sea filled with people. I could feel passerby's eyes all over me; it was a horrible feeling. I just wanted to run away. I used to be such a confident person but now even the slightest dodgy look from a stranger can make me feel 2 foot tall. I tried to talk to my friends about my depression, anxiety and bulimia nervosa, but they don't understand. They don't understand how low my self esteem is or how I can't socialise with people or why I don't feel like eating anything or doing anything. They don't recognise depression as an actual illness they make assumptions that maybe I just feel a little upset now and then. It's a lot deeper than that. It affects how I feel about myself, interactions with other people, my energy levels, my college work; it affects just about every aspect of my life. It honestly feels like if I don't have a broken leg or a sprained food then in other people's minds 'I'm not ill' I hate the stigma on mental illness, just because it isn't visible doesn't mean it's not a real life-limiting problem.